…It’s What Happens While You’re Busy Making Other Plans
Courtesy of the Library of Congress
I used to be able to sit in coffee shops all the time and write and write and write and write. The sounds of the espresso machine hissing away was nothing more than white noise. Little kids running around screaming “bla ba ba bla!” had no impact on me. Conversations at the next table just floated into one ear, hung around for a bit, and then moved on if there was no tidbit to hold on to. If there was a tidbit, I’d write it down.
I’ve discovered that my ability to sit and write in a coffee shop has greatly diminished over the years. I’m now easily distracted. I want to see everyone who comes in. I want to watch the kids with sticky hands try and touch their moms. I want to watch the older people stroll by on the sidewalk, one on a walker, the other leaning in to be a part of the conversation.
Sitting in an office for the last few years, away from a window, in front of a computer, I felt cooped up. Because of all the work that needed to get done—faster! faster!—I began to multitask, a misnomer if there ever was one. Check this. Look at that. Flip screens. Write this quick email. Respond to that request. Check that out again really quickly. Just a look.
As with most people who multitask, I found that the amount of tasks grew and widened but they never got finished. The faster and the more frequently I checked on things, the more I felt like I needed to stay put and keep checking on more things. I stayed at my desk more and more.
I began to joke that my body was becoming chair-shaped.
I ate lunch at my desk. If I left to go get a bowl of soup, I felt like I needed to get back immediately. And always, I felt this pressure to keep busy and keep checking and keep working. Even as I did this, I was aware that most of what I was working on didn’t warrant this kind of watchfulness and attention.
I know there are people out there who love what they do and will put in the hours, and the emotional and physical costs of their work, because they have a passion for what they’re doing. There are people who go to work everyday and just really like it. Or they really like the people they work with. I admire and envy those people: I want that in my life, too.
There are also the people out there who feel trapped in their work. They work long hours because they need the benefits. The health insurance. The money. For their families. For themselves. Or they work at something because they just don’t have the energy when they come home to find something else. I think all of us at one point in our lives have been this person: trapped, exhausted, stressed and unhappy.
It’s okay that I can’t write in coffee shops anymore. I can relearn it eventually, if need be. Right now, there’s so much happening at any one point and I don’t want to miss anything. I want to see it all. Take it all in. There’s a lot of life out there. A lot of conversations to have, a lot of coffee to drink, a lot of discoveries to make, a lot of sitting and watching what’s going on in the world. And when I’m done sitting? I’m going to get up, amble along and head off to the next point.
